Surrender

My world did not shatter today when I got the news of your engagement. It shattered long before that

I saw the picture of it, you looked perfect, as usual just like the first time I saw you: your hair was the first thing I noticed because it reminded me of avatar. Your eyes, your body — everything drew me in.

" Who are you staring at?" Frank our former mutual friend had asked me, because the area was crowded. What is funny is that I could only see you. Crazy right?

I remember the first time we kissed, you could not believe you had done that. You also did not believe that you wanted to do it again.

Three months after avoiding me, we talked about it and you reminded me that we are submitted to God and then you left.

Today makes it three years since you left and I want to wish you a happy married life but I still want you.

Do you remember when we used to plan our future and I said I would be an important person in your wedding?

You thought I meant chief brides maid but I meant your partner.

I'm still broken but you were right, we cannot be together. I want to be mad but thank you; for helping me surrender. I might never love a man the exact way I loved you, I might never love a man at all but I would surrender.

I guess this is what Jesus meant by carrying out cross. You are proof that humans are capable of loving one person forever but you are also my reminder that not all things I want are right.

So maybe my world crashed on the day you said "You need to let me go Kelly. God does not approve the feelings you have." But I'm grateful that you are happy and loved.

Maybe in another reality, we would come in the correct genders, at the proper time.

So for now, congratulations. I'm surrendering this love at the feet of the cross, and learning to carry this cross.

Maybe one day I'd find love the way it was planned or maybe I'd be content with all the platonic love I receive.

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Hey guys! Happy Valentine!

If you got to the end, thank you. Let me know what you think.

XoXo

Scharlet